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January 23-31, 2005 Archive

"We have now sunk to a depth at which re-statement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men." -- George Orwell, as quoted in John Derbyshire's month end NRO column. The Derb also tells of the Episcopal Church's response to Maggy Brimelow's last request.

***

 

 

The Election in Iraq: As my adolescent kids constantly ask me whenever we go anywhere, "Can we leave now?"

***


My new VDARE.com column "Malcolm Gladwell Blinks at Racial Realities" is a demolition of #1 bestseller Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by the New Yorker writer who authored the 2000 hit The Tipping Point. Gladwell describes Blink as "A book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye."

 

Here's what I learned from Gladwell's style about what the lucrative corporate audience wants a nonfiction writer to do:

  • Find or concoct marketable buzzwords for concepts with which readers are already familiar. For example, Gladwell uses the term "thin-slicing" to put a positive new spin on the old practice of judging a book by its cover.

  • Don't even try to make sense. Logic and consistency just annoy most readers.

Blink's individual anecdotes are interesting and well written. But taken as a whole, the book is a mish-mash of contradictions. Gladwell strongly encourages you to rely upon your snap judgments except when you shouldn't.

Now, it would be tremendously useful if Gladwell had figured out some general rules of thumb for when to rely on your instantaneous hunches and when not to.

But as far as I can tell, his book boils down to two messages:

  • Go with your gut reactions, but only when they are right.

  • And even when your gut reactions are factually correct, ignore them when they are politically incorrect.

The most intriguing aspect of Gladwell's book is that its hopeless confusion and mind-melting political correctness stem from the author's own racial background. Although mostly white, Gladwell is partly of African descent (his mother was black, Scottish, and Jewish). But he doesn't look noticeably black in most of his pictures.

The origin of Blink, he writes on his website, came when, "on a whim," he let his hair grow long into a loose but large Afro.
As you can see in this picture of Gladwell with his Afro, he wound up with more of a Napoleon Dynamite Mormon 'fro than the genuine kinky kind that ABA basketball players espoused back in the 1970s. Still, it does finally make him look marginally black.

As soon as Gladwell grew his Afro, he claims, he started getting hassled by The Man: highway patrolmen wrote him speeding tickets, airport security gave him the evil eye, and the NYPD questioned him for 20 minutes because they were looking for a rapist with an Afro.
"That episode on the street got me thinking about the weird power of first impressions," he says. "And that thinking led to Blink."

Obviously, Gladwell is not being wholly honest about why he chose to grow an Afro, which is an extremely high-maintenance hairstyle.
(I know, because I looked just like Napoleon Dynamite myself back in 1978. If you are thinking about growing an Afro yourself, trust me when I tell you that anytime you lean your head against a wall or the back of your chair, you will dent your 'fro.)

People pick a hairstyle to project an image, and Gladwell presumably wanted to shed his nerdy son-of-a-math-professor look and start making first impressions that reeked of that dangerous, sexy, black rebel glamour associated with famous Afro-wearers like Black Panther Eldridge Cleaver and blaxploitation movie hero Shaft:


"Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about?
SHAFT!
Right On!"

Now the inevitable downside of trying to look dangerous to impress girls and interviewers is that you look dangerous to cops.

But you aren't going to hear about tradeoffs from Gladwell, nor about racial differences. He makes a huge amount of money lecturing corporations, and he prudently toes the EEOC-enforced party line about how there's no contradiction whatsoever between "diversity" and profit maximization.

***

 

 

Melody composition and age: A reader writes:

 

I suspect that with composers there's an age correlation with melodic skill as well, i.e. other things being equal, a 40-year-old composer won't be nearly as melodically fertile as a 20-year-old composer. (He may, of course, be far superior to a 20-year-old composer in structural skills or other creative areas.) Maybe the brain cells that determine melodic ability are among those, like short-term memory cells, that decrease in numbers with the passing of years. I've never seen any print discussion of this theory. One reason I cherish Wagner so much is that his melodic inspiration flowed as freely in his old age as it did during his youth.

 

Has anybody ever done an objective study of the ages at which songwriters peaked? Irving Berlin, for example, was 23 when he wrote "Alexander's Ragtime Band" and 51 when he wrote "White Christmas," which sounds quite late in life to write a massive hit song. That's a long, long time to stay on top of the game. Richard Rodgers' last mega-musical, "The Sound of Music," debuted when he was 57.

***

 

 

Another phony campus hate crime: An e.e. cummings-like reader writes:

 

the article mentioned "crying." that says it all. this sort of behavior is *hysteria*...the byproduct of the feminization of higher education, that is, the change in the culture which tends to prioritize emotional values and empathy rather than facts or reason.

***

 

 

My old golf articles: When it comes to golf, I write better than I play:

 

The Decline of the Black Golf Pro

The Decline of the Black Caddie

Sociobiological Roots of Golf Courses

Lesbians Flock to Nabisco Ladies Golf Championship

Sorenstam "will miss cut by four strokes"

Sorenstam or Wie as future of women's golf

Why affluent homeowners like environmentalism:

1. Revolt of the Range Rover Republicans

2. A Golf Course 30 Years in the Making

3. All Green Politics Are Local

The Golf Recession:

1. The Golf Recession

2. Why Golf Has Gotten So Expensive

3. Will Less Expensive Golf Courses Catch On?

4. Golf's Demographic Dead-End

***

 

 

The War Nerd Is Back with his Superwar Preview: The U.S. versus Iran.

 

Of course all the NeoCon crazies are peddling the old story that "once we invade, the people will rally to the cause of freedom."

Yeah. Just like they did in Iraq. If we couldn't get people on our side after deposing a monster like Saddam, what chance do you think we have of winning hearts and minds in Iran? The kids in Iran are pissed off at the way the old Mullahs won't let 'em rock and roll, but the idea that they'll support an American invasion because they're bored is totally insane. It's like imagining that the kids in Footloose would've backed a Soviet invasion of Nebraska because John Lithgow wouldn't let them hold school dances.

The argument between Mullahs and kids in Iran is a classic family fight. And you know what happens when some intruder crashes in on the middle of one of those: the whole family unites in about a millisecond and tears him apart. 

****

 

 

Those poor, oppressed lesbian lover engineers of academia. A reader notes that Dr. Denice "Speak Truth to Power" Denton and her close friend Gretchen Kalonji, both newly of high paying jobs at UC Santa Cruz, have been scratching each other's, uh, backs for some time:

 

LEADERSHIP AWARD

Presented to


Gretchen Kalonji, Ph.D.

Kyocera Professor

Materials Science & Engineering Department

University of Washington


For Innovations and Leadership in

Transforming International Engineering

Education


by

International Advisory Board

International Network for Engineering Education and Research (iNEER)

July 23, 2003

Valencia, Spain

 

Nominator: Denice Denton, Dean

College of Engineering, University of Washington

Nominee: Gretchen Kalonji, Kyocera Professor

Materials Science & Engineering, University of Washington

 

My reader asks, "What exactly do they mean by "nominator " and 'nominee' here?" I dunno, maybe it's a term used in the lesbian personal ads, like, "Nominator looking for nominee for long steamy nights of nominations."

***

 

 

Where do we get these people? Mickey Kaus catches Andrew Sullivan at two different points in his prescription testosterone cycle -- "giddy" about the Iraq elections on Saturday and "almost distraught" about them today -- and writes:

 

Sullivan has many virtues, but steadiness of judgment is not one of them. This isn't a man you want to follow into battle. Unfortunately, many Americans did.

 

Sullivan, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Bennett, the list goes on. I suppose we conservatives get the opinion-makers we deserve, but still... lately, we sure have been getting who we deserve good and hard.

***

 

 

My old music articles: A lot of people seem to like to read my old movie reviews, so here are some old rock music articles from 2001-2002:

 

Review of Shakey: Neil Young's Biography

Review of Heavier than Heaven, Kurt Cobain's biography

Why are rock bands so racially segregated? 

Surviving as songwriters: Q&A with Mann & Weil

Sir Elton welcomes Eminem into the celebrity cartel

The end of the singer-songwriter fetish

Joe Strummer, RIP

Where did all the catchy tunes go?

***

 

 

Is "American Idol's" Simon Cowell Unamerican? A reader replies:

 

I don't watch that show, but its cruelty is exactly why so many watch it as with other "reality shows." Being vicious to others isn't a traditional American character trait, but in the New Ex-America, it is becoming one. Just as the reign of "Cool" has destroyed the old American character traits of enthusiasm and innocence, it is also creating a new ethos of cruelty. A kinder and gentler America is further away than when Bush the First called for it in 1988. What else can the popularity of the slogan "You're Fired" mean in a society that was once scarred by the notion of people losing their jobs. Recall how Reagan didn't like to fire people in part because of his father's experience and his memory of the Great Depression. All of the Oprah sentimentality notwithstanding, the rise of schadenfreude is the true spirit of the age.

***

 

 

GOP sells out the Red States: Because the cost of living is much less on the wide plains of the Republican states, incomes are lower too, and thus progressive tax rates works to redistribute wealth from Blue States to Red States. So, why has the GOP been so hot to cut progressive taxes like the income tax and the inheritance tax? Because they are responding less to Red State Republicans than to Blue State Republicans, who tend to be quite affluent. For example, I wonder what the mean income is of the small number of Republicans who live in Manhattan: $200,000? $400,000?

***

 

 

Call Nancy Hopkins! As far as I can tell, no woman has ever gotten an Oscar nomination for Cinematography, at least not in the last 40 years (200 nominations).

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#exit.poll.Asian.Jewish

A rare midweek VDARE column by me is up now: It reviews the details from the internal report on what went wrong with the Presidential exit poll. As I figured out months ago, Bush's share for Hispanics was smaller (i.e., more realistic) among the larger sample size who took the short form of the questionnaire than among the smaller sample size who took the long form. The same was true for Asian-Americans (reported as voting 44 percent for Bush but now revealed to be only 39 percent in the larger sample ) and Jews (reported as 25 percent, but actually only 22 percent).

 

Both figures are bad news for neoconservatives. The Asian deflation makes upping immigration, as Bush wants, look even more suicidal for Congressional Republicans. And the revelation that Bush only carried 22 percent of Jews shows that the neocons have a lot more chiefs than Indians. As they say in Texas, the neocons are all hat and no cattle.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#Unamerican.Simon.Cowell

The Unamerican Simon Cowell -- "American Idol's" sardonic British judge is the antithesis of the modern American Oprah-style television host. These days, Americanism is all about encouraging people to "follow their dreams," whereas Simon typically listens to contestants sing for five seconds, then tells them to forget their dreams and give up all hope of a singing career. In the singing business, it's kind to be cruel, because, otherwise, ambitious but talentless young people always wind up sexually exploited by promoters as cold-blooded as Cowell, but lacking his honesty.

 

Similarly, Larry Summers is being condemned for causing young female math and science students to doubt their dreams, but doubt is exactly what people considering entering a career like math or physics should do before making a lifetime commitment. What's the point of being, say, a third rate mathematics professor if you'll never achieve any breakthroughs when you make far more money with your quant skills in private industry?

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#natalism.does.not.exist

"Natalism" Rears Its Nonexistent Head Again: I spent an hour on the phone today with a newspaper reporter who called me to get the inside scoop on the new Natalist Movement to force women to have more children that's sweeping the nation. Apparently, I'm  the evil genius behind this trend toward keeping women barefoot and pregnant.

 

No, I kept trying to explain, NYT op-edster David Brooks just made it all up when he wrote, "There is a little-known movement sweeping across the United States. The movement is 'natalism.'" He just did it because journalists try to make everything sound like a trend. If Isaac Newton had been a reporter, he wouldn't have named his book explaining the Law of Gravity the Principia. No, he would have called it something newsworthy like "The Growing Trend toward Gravityism."

 

There's no organized "natalist" movement to speak of; there's just people having babies. What I have found is that some parts of the country are more conducive to having babies than other parts, and those baby-friendly states vote Republican more than baby-unfriendly states. That's it.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#new.blogs

Newish Blogs: It's gratifying, after several years of blogging, to finally see a sizable expansion in recent months in the number of blogs worth linking to. 

 

For example,

 

Luke Lea's Born Again Democrats website features his blog. Many of you are familiar with Luke as a wise and civilized commenter on other sites. It's about time he got his own.

Modern Tribalist
is an elegantly spartan site devoted to excerpting, with a minimum of commentary, articles illustrating examples of "tribalism and ethnic nepotism in the modern world."

Military Thoughts
is by a guy with the comic nom de plume of "coolbert" who knows an enormous amount about, surprise, military history. With the War Nerd hibernating lately, check him out.

I've mentioned Across Difficult Country before. Carter van Carter's efforts are hard to describe: perhaps you could call them a blend of the essays of Guy Davenport and Steve Martin:

 

I read in the news that:


America's second biggest bank, JP Morgan Chase, has made a rare apology for its subsidiaries' involvement in the slave trade 200 years ago, admitting that it accepted slaves as loan collateral and ended up owning several hundred.


In the spirit of atonement exemplified by JP Morgan Chase, I would like to apologize to the descendants of anyone who may have suffered a raping or a pillaging at the hands of one of my Viking ancestors. I feel terrible about it. Or I did, before apologizing. Now I feel terrific. 

 

 

The Julian Calendar is the work of a devout Catholic sociobiologist in Australia. 

Glaivester's postings are a lot better than his graphics.

GetReligion
covers the media coverage of religion. With Jeremy Lott.

And lots more over in the Links section toward the top of the left hand column.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#reconquistadores

Blue-Eyed Reconquistadores Watch: A reader of Chilean-Spanish descent writes:

 

You yourself laughed at the blue-eyed Univision anchorman Jorge Ramos pretending to be the standard-bearer of the Indians that his ancestors enslaved--and over whom he still rules like C-3PO in the land of the Ewoks. White Spaniards like Jorge Ramos would love to see America turn into another Mexico--ie, a plantation colony populated by a swarming drone class of Indians, ruled by wealthy Europeans in white suits [a la Ricardo Montalban]. Sadly, George W. Bush shares this shabby vision of a future America with Ramos and his Conquistador ilk. 

 

Such a system of social inequity/iniquity is unthinkable to any sensitive person--which is why I was glad that my Chilean ancestors left South America when they did. On a recent trip back down to South America, I saw with my own eyes the disgusting imperial system of 98% Indian nations ruled by 2% blue-eyed Spaniards. 

America, behold your future! 

***

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#gay.marriage.polygamy

Gay Marriage Makes Legalized Polygamy Inevitable argues Colby Cosh. All right-thinking folks say, "Horrors, no, while the word "marriage" doesn't imply two sexes, it can't possibly imply more than two people." Colby replies, "Yeah, right ..."

 

By the way, nobody else noticed it but Spike Lee's most recent movie She Hate Me was built on exactly that gay marriage --> polygamy logic. Spike's not too crazy about gay marriage, but he thinks it definitely justifies what he's enthusiastic for: polygamy. Here's my review of She Hate Me.

 

By the way, Colby, please do my 46-year-old eyes a favor and use a larger typeface on your blog.

***

 

New VDARE column on red-blue Marriage Gap...

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#america.dutch.disease

Something to think about the next time you're stocking up your Costco shopping cart with Chinese-made goods. A reader writes:

 

The US is quite literally destroying the productive, tradable goods sector of its economy, by maintaining an overvalued currency, supported by massive borrowing from other nations. This is not a new or unique observation. There is actually a term for this phenomena. It is called the "Dutch Disease". It is characterized by an overvalued currency, manufacturing decline, high investment in the non-tradable sector and disinvestment in production of tradable good.

The phrase "Dutch Disease" was coined in response to the performance of the Dutch economy after vast natural gas reserves were found near Groningen in 1959. Gas quickly become a lucrative export "competing" with traditional Dutch exports. By inflating the value of the Guilder, traditional exports were in effect, "crowded out" and declined. The impact was so prominent that it was studied and came to be a well accepted consequence of highly valuable natural resource exports...

 Although the disease is generally associated with a natural resource discovery, it can occur from any development that results in a large inflow of foreign currency, including a sharp surge in natural resource prices, foreign assistance, and foreign direct investment. Economists have used the Dutch disease model to examine such episodes, including the impact of the flow of American treasures into sixteenth-century Spain and gold discoveries in Australia in the 1850s."

"Why does a dramatic increase in wealth have this paradoxically adverse consequence? The answer is found in a classic 1982 paper by W.M. Corden and J. Peter Neary. These authors divide an economy experiencing an export boom into three sectors: of these, the booming export sector and the lagging export sector are the two traded goods sectors; the third is the nontraded goods sector, which essentially supplies domestic residents and might include retail trade, services, and construction. They show that when a country catches Dutch disease, the traditional export sector gets crowded out by the other two sectors."

What does this have to do with the US? Hopefully the answer is obvious. The US has "created" a massive new export in recent years. The export is debt. Like any other massive new exportable good, it has displaced other traditional exports. Actually, the US has done this twice. First, in the early 1980s leading up to the Plaza Accord of September 22, 1985. And then more recently, in the 1990s as a consequence first of the Internet bubble and then later because of massive Federal deficits and the housing bubble.

Current US economic policies are a double blow to the economy. On the one hand the US is furiously accumulating debt that we owe to the rest of the world. On the other hand, we are systematically dismantling the manufacturing sector that produces the tradable goods needed to pay our nation's bills. Of course, these follies also impact employment in the manufacturing sector. The following graphs should provide a useful perspective.

Of course, the trade deficit is not the only reason for the decline in manufacturing employment. Productivity has been growing faster in manufacturing than other sectors. However, it is clear that without the trade deficit, the manufacturing sector would be roughly 50% larger than it currently is. This is equivalent to many (5/7) millions of jobs. Note that these are not net new jobs. The trade deficit has shifted employment out of the tradable goods sector into other parts of the economy. Without the trade deficit, employment would shift back. Total employment might or might not grow.

As the reader can see, the trade deficit is not just a source of future financial burdens (creditors expect to be paid). It is also a direct assault on the productive power of the US economy. The linkage would scarcely be clearer if foreign capital was used to pay for wrecking balls tearing down industrial America.

 

Many have commented that Bush's recent 2nd Inaugural address sounded a lot like JFK's in its emphasis on America's commitment to fighting tyranny abroad. The only real difference was in how Bush intends to finance his global crusade for freedom. Here's an actual, authentic excerpt from Bush's speech:

 

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, borrow any burden, sponge any spare change, cadge from any friend, scrounge from any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

 

Remember how back in the 1960s, Democrats would say that budget deficits aren't so because we just owe the money to ourselves? Well, our trade deficits aren't so bad either, because we just owe the money to the Red Chinese.

*

 

In related news, inventor Raymond Kurzweil, who had been taking 250 vitamin supplements per day in an attempt to live forever, announced that, after reviewing the rapidly mounting debt burden we were passing on to future Americans, he was switching to a new daily regimen of three packs of Lucky Strikes, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a dozen hits on a crack pipe, and one round of Russian Roulette.

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#blue.california

Why the land of Nixon and Reagan votes solidly Democratic now: Youngish Southern Californians can't afford to buy a house, so they postpone getting married and having kids, all processes that make people confirmed Republicans. The LA Times reports:

The percentage of households in Los Angeles County able to afford a median-priced home of $474,570 was 17% in November, down from 23% a year ago when the median was $382,190, according to the latest figures reported by the California Assn. of Realtors. The Orange County median for November was $633,340, with only 13% of households able to afford a residence, down from 18% a year ago...

"With a $450,000 median home price," said Leslie Appleton-Young, chief economist with the California Assn. of Realtors, "if you can save 20%, do the math. How many first-time buyers have access to that kind of money?"

Not only does a buyer need a hefty sum for a down payment, L.A. County buyers needed an income of $109,971 to qualify for a 30-year fixed-rate loan with 20% down on a median-priced home in November. In Orange County, the annual income needed was $146,763.

 

Also, 20% down on the $475,000 median price house in LA County is $95,000 in cash. In Orange County, you need $127,000 in cash on hand. 

 

On the other hand, it was 75 degrees and sunny today in SoCal and the hills, for once, are as green as Ireland.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#red.blue.taxes

Why Does the Federal Government Shift So Much Wealth from Blue States to Red States? An overlooked reason is the progressive income tax. Blue states are much more crowded than red states, and thus have higher land prices (see item above on Southern California housing costs) and higher overall costs of living. In turn, their residents have higher incomes. The progressive tax rates mean the higher paid blue staters have to pay more of their income in taxes, although it's not clear they can afford that better than lower-cost-of-living red staters.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#johnny.carson.rip

Johnny Carson, RIP: These days, when late-night talk shows, even ones hosted by obviously bright fellows like Conan O'Brien, consist of nothing but celebrity chit-chat, it's hard to imagine just how intellectually wide-ranging Carson's Tonight Show was. Carson's particular interest was astronomy and he made his frequent guest Carl Sagan a national celebrity. The science fiction classic Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle about the approach and catastrophic impact of a comet includes a brilliant chapter written from Johnny Carson's point of view as he interviews the two astronomers who discovered the approaching comet and figures out on the fly how to guide them into making their esoteric topic fascinating to the masses in TV land.

 

Even at interviewing movie stars, Carson was dramatically better than Letterman and Leno. 

 

My favorite Carson memory is of the time in the early 1990s when he had on the high school students who had won a national quiz bowl championship. So, he, Ed McMahon, and Doc Severinsen played the four kids using real questions about history and science. Johnny, who no doubt had been the brightest boy in his class back home in Iowa, buzzed in to answer just about every question, but always a fraction of a second behind the teenage whiz kids. His frustration at finding that in his sixties he just wasn't as quick as the teenagers was compounded by his discovery that his teammates, Ed and Doc, were complete idiots of no use whatsoever in winning the competition. Finally, the question "Who founded the American Federation of Labor in 1886?" stumped the students, but not Johnny, who triumphantly buzzed in and proclaimed "Samuel Gompers!" with the proudest look I've ever seen on his face.

 

Carson's 30 year career on television, an unbelievably long time for a star to remain a star, was a model of professionalism. Starting to slump as he got older, he insisted on cutting the length of the nightly show from 90 minutes to 60 minutes, and rebounded strongly. Rather than hang around into senescence, he retired in his mid-60s while still on top of his game.

***

 

 

http://www.iSteve.com/05JanC.htm#larry.summers.nancy.hopkins

A little known fact: Harvard President Larry Summers & MIT feminist Professor Nancy Hopkins took Creative Writing 101 together long ago:

 

Nancy and Larry
Creative Writing 101
Prof. Miller
Jan. 29, 1965

In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. -- Prof. Miller


 

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

 

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semiliterate adolescent.

 

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

 

Pig!

 

Bitch!

***

 

 

Larry Summers and women: Good thing nobody was ever insensitive or un-nurturing toward the mathematical ambitions of Ramanujan.

***

 

 

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For the convenience of search engine users: Although the correct spelling of my name is "Steve Sailer," people looking for me often spell my name as Steve Sailor, Steve Saylor, Steven Sailer, Steven Sailor, Steven Saylor, Stephen Sailer, Stephen Sailor, Stephen Saylor, Steven E. Sailer, Steven E. Sailor, Steven E. Saylor, Stephen E. Sailer, SteveSailer and more.